[elvis]

Here are some actual "squawks" (fault log enteries) that pilots leave for maintenance crews in the aircraft Technical Log after a flight ... with the corresponding maintenance notes:

Problem : Left inside main tire nearly needs replacement
Solution : Nearly replaced left inside main tire

Problem : Test flight OK except autoland very rough
Solution : Autoland not installed on this aircraft

Problem : No.2 propeller seeping prop fluid
Solution : No.2 propeller seepage normal. No's 1,3 and 4 propellers lacking normal seepage

Problem: The autopilot doesn't
Solution: IT DOES NOW

Problem : Something loose in cockpit
Solution : Something tightened in cockpit

Problem : Evidence of hydraulic leak on main right landing gear
Solution : Evidence removed

Problem : Number three engine missing
Solution : Engine found on right wing after brief search

Problem : DME volume unbelievably loud
Solution : Volume set to more believable level

Problem : Dead bugs on windshield
Solution : Live bugs on order

Problem : Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
Solution : Failed to reproduce problem during ground tests

Problem : IFF inoperative
Solution : IFF OFF

Problem : Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick
Solution : YES

Problem : Turn and slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns
Solution : Congratulations

Problem : Whining sound heard on engine shutdown
Solution : Pilot removed from aircraft

Problem : Pilot's clock inoperative
Solution : Clock wound

Problem : No.2 ADF needle runs wild
Solution : Caught and tamed No.2 ADF needle