Funksprüche von Piloten......

[Tansincos]

Yeah ist ja stark hier , habt ihr noch mehr so Sachen?

[elvis]

Hier noch was zum Thema. Ist zwar in englisch, but what shall's:

From the pages of Aviation Aspirations :-



Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National,a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella..WHOA..!"

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." "Last one off the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!"

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited,give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask,and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

[pingpongpapst]

Original geschrieben von pingpongpapst
ach wie schön, jetzt kann ich am Wochenende wieder 4:0 spielen. Die gute Laune ist wieder da. DANKE

Habe tatsächlich 4:0 gespielt, danke für die Inspirations.

[elvis]

Here are some actual "squawks" (fault log enteries) that pilots leave for maintenance crews in the aircraft Technical Log after a flight ... with the corresponding maintenance notes:

Problem : Left inside main tire nearly needs replacement
Solution : Nearly replaced left inside main tire

Problem : Test flight OK except autoland very rough
Solution : Autoland not installed on this aircraft

Problem : No.2 propeller seeping prop fluid
Solution : No.2 propeller seepage normal. No's 1,3 and 4 propellers lacking normal seepage

Problem: The autopilot doesn't
Solution: IT DOES NOW

Problem : Something loose in cockpit
Solution : Something tightened in cockpit

Problem : Evidence of hydraulic leak on main right landing gear
Solution : Evidence removed

Problem : Number three engine missing
Solution : Engine found on right wing after brief search

Problem : DME volume unbelievably loud
Solution : Volume set to more believable level

Problem : Dead bugs on windshield
Solution : Live bugs on order

Problem : Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
Solution : Failed to reproduce problem during ground tests

Problem : IFF inoperative
Solution : IFF OFF

Problem : Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick
Solution : YES

Problem : Turn and slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns
Solution : Congratulations

Problem : Whining sound heard on engine shutdown
Solution : Pilot removed from aircraft

Problem : Pilot's clock inoperative
Solution : Clock wound

Problem : No.2 ADF needle runs wild
Solution : Caught and tamed No.2 ADF needle

[Tansincos]

Kann das mal bitte einer übersetzen?
Wenn ich das verstehen will, wird meine Rechnung so hoch!

[heimdall]

Sind hier etwas tatsächliche " Squawks " (Störungsbuchenteries) diese Piloten verlassen für Wartung Mannschaften im technischen Protokoll des Flugzeuges nach einem Flug... mit den entsprechenden Wartung Anmerkungen:

Problem: Linksinnerehauptgummireifen benötigt fast Wiedereinbau.
Lösung: Fast ersetzter linker Innerehauptleitung Gummireifen.

Problem: Einflug-cO.k. schließen das rauhe autoland sehr aus. Lösung: Autoland installiert nicht auf dieses Flugzeug.

Problem: Sickernde Stützeflüssigkeit des Propellers No.2.
Lösung: Sickerungnormal des Propellers No.2. Propeller des Nr. 1.3 und 4, die normale Sickerung ermangeln.

Problem: Die automatische Kurssteuerung nicht.
Lösung: SIE JETZT.

Problem: Etwas lösen im Cockpit.
Lösung: Etwas festgezogen in Cockpit.

Problem: Beweis der hydraulischen Leckstelle auf rechtem hauptsächlichfahrgestell.
Lösung: Beweis gelöscht.

Problem: Vermißte Maschine der Nr. drei.
Lösung: Maschine gefunden auf rechtem Flügel nach kurzer Suche.

Problem: DME-Datenträger unglaublich laut.
Lösung: Datenträger eingestellt auf believable Stufe.

Problem: Tote Programmfehler auf Windschutzscheibe.
Lösung: Phasenprogrammfehler auf Ordnung.

Problem: Automatische Kurssteuerung im Höhe Einflußmodus produziert einen Abfall mit 200 fpm.
Lösung: Konnte Problem während der Isolationsprüfungen reproduzieren nicht.

Problem: Freund-Feind-Kennung funktionsunfähig.
Lösung: FREUND-CFeind-cKennung WEG.

Problem: Friktion sperrt Ursachen Drosselklappenhebel zum Stock.
Lösung: JA.

Problem: Wendezeigerkugel gehaftet in der Mitte während der Umdrehungen.
Lösung: Glückwünsche.

Problem: Whining stichhaltiges gehört auf Abschalten des Triebwerks.
Lösung: Pilot gelöscht vom Flugzeug.

Problem: Versuchstaktgeber funktionsunfähig.
Lösung: Taktgeberwunde.

Problem: Nadel A.O.Z. No.2 läßt wildes laufen.
Lösung: Abgefangene und gezähmte Nadel A.O.Z. No.2.

[Tansincos]

Einige der Sachen sind ganz lustig, aber einige verstehe ich auch nicht so ganz...?:confused:

[mh]

Manche Sachen kommen auch nur in der englischen Originalfassung gut heraus. z.B. Bugs sind zum einen Fliegen oder Käfer zum anderen Fehler.